100 Days

This will probably be pretty brief because I don’t know that I have much to say, but today is my 100th day after transplant and I thought I should note it.

It’s fair to say that I was clueless about what this would involve. I don’t know why that would be – I read everything I knew to read. But I truly believed that at 100 days there would be some magical snap of the fingers and everything would be back to normal, as if I hadn’t even been through the process. The truth is that this is an on-going process and I could still have transplant concerns a year from now.

When I look at the past 100 days, I realize I’ve made tremendous progress, but I still have a long way to go. Return to normal? As one care-giver said, “Normal is a setting on your dryer.”

I have an opportunity for a new life, of sorts. It seems pretty amazing to say that, doesn’t it? Cancer doesn’t have to be a death sentence. I am one of the fortunate ones who can say that and believe it. 100 days ago I couldn’t stop scratching myself because every square inch of my skin itched. 100 days ago my skin always hurt, as if I were suffering from a bad sunburn. Just average touches from other people, like shaking hands, hurt. 100 days ago I was always cold, even in rooms that other people felt were uncomfortably warm.

All of that just went away. It happened so suddenly that I didn’t even notice it – someone had to point it out to me.

The bad days are the ones filled with doubt. Will I get better? Why aren’t I improving faster? What will it mean if something unexpected happens? Transplant isn’t a course of action for diehard pessimists.

The good days are when I can see or feel the improvement.

As far as I know, my last day is still Monday. I’ve developed a rash on my face, which my doctor thinks could be GVHD. However, she said that if it doesn’t get any worse, I should still be able to go home. Since Tracy has given notice on the apartment, we both are fervently hoping for a sanctioned dismissal. Otherwise we may have to resort to a breakout.

So, I guess I acknowledge the 100 days as a milestone, but the journey continues. Here’s hoping I make good use of the journey.


One thought on “100 Days

  1. What’s going on with Rick. How come there are no post after 100 days? This is worrisome to
    me. I had a SCT June 2011 and was moved by all I read here.

    Lafayette/Boulder CO.


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